About
Welcome to Misfit Mistress!
When I first set out to start this blog I was extremely bitter, jealous, and hurt having broken up with the married man I dated for 2.5 years. The breakup was extremely messy and I saw a side of him that I did not think existed. This side was one of carelessness and manipulation. I was bitter because it was “unfair.” I was bitter because I thought I was loved by someone who totally showed horrible true colors in the end… and I was bitter because I knew WAY more about his negative character traits, our relationship, and his previous infidelities than his wife does or was told… but she stayed with him.
My original “about” page declared this a place for women on all sides of the affair could come together to share their stories about the manipulative male who had “done them wrong”… but in the almost half year that I have been active in the blog world, I have realized that affairs are a lot more complicated than we want to believe… those complications also hurt men on all sides of affairs, too! So I want to declare that this is also a place for men… despite my original about which was rooted in anger towards ONE man.
While I was “the other woman” in affair, not all affairs are the same and I understand that. My experiences do not dictate what people should do. However, they shed light on what it means to be in an affair and to be the wife of a man who commits adultery. I hope others can come here to shed light on “their” side… or to vent their hurt and frustrations of their situation if they want. This blog is read by people all over the world which is a true testament to the fact that affairs take place in every culture… Wherever you are from, and whatever “side” you are on- I encourage you to share your thoughts here… I understand if you are more private and rather just be a reader- thats great too!
Finally, I want to explain the title of my blog, “The Misfit Mistress.” Misfit means a person who is not suited for or is unable to adjust to the circumstances of his or her particular circumstances. Contrary to popular notion, Mistress means a woman who is skilled in something or has ultimate control over something. I love this title because it gives me control, it gives me a say. Many mistresses slink out of the spotlight- yet, I do not want them to feel ashamed. Most women who partake in an affair with a married man have the feeling that they should disappear, that they mean less than other people in the man’s life. However, I want mistresses to feel empowered (after all, that IS the definition of a mistress). The reason I picked “misfit” is because I want to speak out. I think that most mistresses try to flee as quickly as possible and avoid any and all confrontations. However, I want to be a misfit- I want to speak out about my affair. I was VERY ill-suited to be in an affair- I hated how it made me feel and I loathed and resented my circumstances.
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Well it is Saturday night and as I searched for wine as I read your last entry called things I will never know and was grateful to find someone who unfortunately knows how I feel. Five years in a long distance affair – I left my longtime partner at his insistence for him. He never left his wife but kept saying some day…His wife got ill and died of cancer last year. I did not make any demands on his time so he could support her during illness and I was his first shocked call when she passed away. But then everything went wrong – I was no longer fun enough, thin enough and too dedicated to work. And after 8 painful months of tempermental “love me love me not” he cancelled our planned summer vacation together next week and asked me not to call so he could think as I” no longer understand him and my request to spend “public”time with him is unreasonable.” How does a really smart person get into this mess and how do I get out without feeling this awful and lonely. I have isolated myself for 5 years for a guy who says he is no longer madly in love with me. My first therapist visit is next week.
wow, exmistress/exgirlfriend… that seems like quite the emotional whirlwind. i think your story shows how many times, even when the married man can have the mistress if he wants, he doesnt go for it… mistresses are never intended to play the “legitimate” half. very smart people do get caught up in these situations… and i promise, the more your put yourself out there the sooner you wont feel isolated… looking back, it was kind of easy to come out of my isolation. good luck with therapy… my therapist was one of the best finds ive ever made. she was like an angel for me.
Hi mm,
Our stories are very similar, as the majority of these men are psychologically disordered and repeatedly use and abuse women. Don’t know if you and any of the other men and women have researched narcissism personality disorder but it will describe your R down to a t, as well as his victims and other people he draws into his web. I admire your honesty and bravery, and your desire to bring knowledge and understanding to an extremely complicated and difficult situation. Like you I also refuse to accept responsibility for his abuse of his wife. He pursued me relentlessly, said he cheated on his wife the first week of his marriage and through out and then spent years convincing me he wanted to change, he also spent years convincing me she was crazy. I never felt like the other woman, I felt like she was the other woman, the one he put up with only because of his child, but I always defended her saying it wasn’t about her, it was about him and helped him confront his many ssues and become a better man. Once discovered he also turned on me in frightening ways and lied about everything. These men need to be exposed and all women, wives and mistresses, need to be educated. Anywayyyy…..I also have a blog, astoryofbetrayal.com. Email anytime if you would like to chat!
i am real- thanks for stopping by! ive tried to figure R out from the day our affair was exposed… i labeled him as a sociopath… but narcissism seems to fit well, too. although i eventually stopped trying to figure him out and started to just worry about figuring myself out. at this point, id say he is a mild version of one or the other… who knows though. i just know what he did to me and how it made me feel. im glad you refuse to accept responsibility. i can totally identify with the comment you made about never feeling the other woman- but, instead, that his wife was. the whole child thing is crap, in my opinion having been through it. leave if your not happy, you know? i look forward to checking out your blog…